Revisiting The Past

While I've shared my blog with you all a hundred plus times, sometimes I forget what all has happened up to this point. So I decided to go back and read some of my old entries. Wow. Re-reading my own journey was incredibly emotional! The high points and the low points, and as I'm reading them, I get put right back there in reality.

Like the moment I had to let the transport team take Mira after she was born. Only spending a minute with my new baby, and having to let her go. Let her go to get surgery, let her go away from me, let go of her skin which I barely got a feel for. That was one of the hardest moments of my life.

Or when I heard she came through her surgery! When the wait was over, and even though I wasn't with her, not at the same hospital, I knew my baby girl made it through her surgery! That she was alive! That Joe was with her! That the hurdle had been jumped and she was okay! 

Or even way back, at the very beginning, when Joe and I were just a couple that were going in to get a "routine sonogram" done. Just two people hoping to find out the gender of the new addition to our family. But instead, we were alerted to the reality that something was "wrong" with our baby, and we had to wait an entire weekend just to find out what it was. Was it life-threatening? Would she be healthy? Would she be impaired? What exactly is wrong? The only thing I could do at the time was go find my big sister at her work, and cry on her shoulder. We spent all weekend shooting possibilities at each other. Joe thought maybe Down syndrome? I remember saying the words "spina bifida" and having no clue what it actually meant. And when we finally met with the doctor, and had our suspicions confirmed, spina bifida, and Joe and I just held each other in the exam room, and cried.

Or when I got to hold her for the first time! When most of the tubes and wires were gone. When I got to feel her weight, and put her skin to my skin, and smell her hair! When she finally felt like she belonged to me instead of to the hospital. When I finally felt like I was doing my job as a Mother because I could hold her, and feed her, and change her diaper! It was amazing and relieving, and she was so beautiful because I could finally see her whole face at the same time since she didn't have to lay on half of it, because I could hold her! My beautiful bundle! My precious gift! My miraculous Mira Cole!

So yes, while I've shared my blog over and over, and posted the link on my Facebook a hundred times, even I forgot where we started, and the highs and lows, and the emotions, and the events. But if I can toot my own horn, I must say, it's not a bad read. And if I can toot Mira's horn, I must say, wow! You really can do anything, sweety! You can do anything!