I'm waiting for so many things right now! I'm waiting to be discharged so I can get over there and see my little girl and actually get to spend time with her for the first time! I'm waiting for my breasts to cooperate so I can start making milk and feed Mira!
I've never had this much difficulty getting my body to cooperate with what it's designed to do for our children, but then again, I've never had to exclusively pump before, either. Mira cannot be held right now at all, so even when I get over to her, I'll still be relying on my breasts' ability to respond to plastic pumps instead of a baby's mouth.
The doctors confirmed that they are going to start feeding her today, and if I can't get my milk to come in, they're gonna have to give her formula. I'm trying so hard to make milk, but it's just not coming in!
Most of the one ounce I posted about yesterday had to be thrown away. It turns out that I was trying so hard to pump, that I was actually damaging myself. A lot of the contents within the colostrum I had pumped out turned out to be my own breast tissue. I guess I was actually pumping so hard just to try and get something out, that I was actually pulling out my own breast tissue in the process. Obviously, Mira cannot eat breast tissue, so most of what I worked so hard to pump out had to be thrown away. I wasn't thinking about how much I was hurting myself because I was so focused on trying to make sure I can feed my daughter! And now, I'm lucky to get even a single drop!
I'd be lying if I said I'm not getting discouraged. But discouraging or not, I'm not giving up! No matter what it takes, I WILL make milk for Mira! I actually slept for the first time last night, I'm eating regularly, I'm trying to keep my stress levels down, and soon I'll be right in front of her, so hopefully, all of these things will aid me in being successful at making milk! Until that happens, I'll just be waiting, waiting anxiously for things to work!
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