My appointment this week with the high risk OB's went well. Tammy and I took a tour of the maternity ward and were walked through how the c-section will go. We had many questions answered... One of those is when we will be delivering. The answer is miraculous! We will be having Mira on April 17th at 1 o'clock in the afternoon. April 17th is my birthday, a day I will now share with my beautiful little miracle for the rest of our lives!
This will undoubtedly be the most emotional birthday of my life. The most amazing gift I will ever get on my birthday will be my child. I can't imagine a better present. But I also have to prepare myself because, while I will be receiving this wonderful gift, I will also be facing having her taken from me immediately to go get her surgery while I wait through, what I'm sure will be, the most difficult time in my life. The time when my daughter's life is placed in the hands of a surgical team while I wait in a completely different hospital for news from Joe.
I'm trying to prepare myself for the impossible to understand emotional roller coaster that will occur that day. The unexplainable love and bliss one feels when seeing their baby for the first time, that moment when you thought you'd loved before, but are proven so wrong when you see that little life you made from scratch, the most beautiful sight I've ever seen is when I saw my children for the first time... You can actually feel your heart grow bigger to try to contain all the love you possess. It's amazing and I can't wait to feel that again for my new little miracle. But now I'm trying to prepare myself for something I haven't felt before when having a baby... the feeling of having them taken, separated from you, to go to a completely different location, away from me, to have surgery that will dictate the rest of her life. I can't imagine how that will feel and I hurt already for those that have ever experienced what I'm about to face. I can't imagine waiting... Just waiting because that's all you can do, for news of my daughters outcome from surgery. I'm sure it will almost kill me. But then, another roller coaster of emotion hits, because I also can't imagine how happy I'll be when Joe calls me to say our daughter is out of surgery and everything went great! The relief and happiness I'll be flooded with when I get a post-op picture, and get to see that she's okay! ---Wow... I just truly can't imagine all the feelings I will experience on my birthday this year. So I will prepare as best I can, and once again, thank God that I'm not doing this alone. Joe and Tammy will be there every step of the way for Mira and myself while we both experience the most important birthdays of our lives!
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