Way Too Eventful!

Yesterday was completely uneventful... I wish today would have been as boring!
Poor Mira had a painful day! She had IV sites in both hands, and both of them went bad at the same time. Sometimes the body rejects IV's, especially if they've been in there for a while, because the body acknowledges an invader in the body, so it shuts down the pathway of the invader (the IV). Both of Mira's went bad at the same time, so they had to try and get another IV going. They got one in, but it immediately blew. They tried other spots of her body to get an IV in, and no other potential IV sites were working. As you can imagine, during all of this poking and prodding, Mira was losing her poor little mind, and just wanted to be left alone. Nobody likes needles, especially a baby who doesn't understand why she's getting poked over and over and over again. Eventually the charge nurse said enough, and that Mira's body simply needs a break! Luckily she was eating enough to where they didn't have to worry about her being dehydrated, so they were able to give her a break and they got an IV into her foot later in the day. So her torture is over for this 24-hour period, but I with she could've just had another content, lazy day.

The day was also unfortunately eventful for me, as well. Yesterday morning I was getting headaches off and on, and by the end of the night, it was a very consistent headache. I thought I would feel better once I got some sleep. I was mistaken. When I woke up today, I felt ten times worse than I had the night before. My headache was a borderline migraine, and my abdomen was much more sore than the day before along with being really nauseous. I called my OB, and they told me to come over to the ER. They got me hooked up to an IV, I slept for three hours, and was feeling noticeably better when I woke up. Thank goodness it wasn't actually what they call a "spinal headache" but we believe it was a natural and unfortunate side effect from the spinal with my c-section. The ER doctor wrote me out a prescription for Benadryl, which I need to use to keep the headache at bay before it makes me throw up (which would be a nightmare with a frssh c-section incision), and told me to make sure I'm sleeping well, keeping my stress levels low, and sneaking some caffeine into my diet here and there. I am feeling much better now, and I'm able to eat without feeling like I'm going to vomit. Thank God! All I could think was how stupid it is for ME to be sick right now when Mira needs me! I told the doctors that I don't have time for me to feel like crap! But, this is a reminder that, as a Mother, you can't possibly take care of your children to the best of your ability if you're not taking care of yourself. So I'm getting some rest now while my sister stays with Mira. We were just face timing, and Joe and I will be back to Mira's side before she goes to surgery tomorrow.

Mira had her ultrasound today to monitor her ventricles and see how they reacted to having her drain clamped. Her head circumference increased by half an inch, and her ventricles filled with pressure, so it is confirmed that she needs a shunt. She will be leaving her room for surgery at 7:30 in the morning tomorrow, her surgery will begin at 8:30, and it will take roughly an hour and a half. After her surgery, Tammy, Joe, and I will begin training on how to care for her at home. This includes what neurological symptoms to look for, how to catheterize her, how to care for her incisions, how to hold her without disturbing her incisions, and more. They think we can finish training, and possibly be released by Friday! I can hardly believe it, but in ready for her, and I just absolutely cannot wait to hold her in my arms!
So, that is the rundown of the day! I don't think I left anything out, but I'm a little groggy still, which is why I'm going to get some sleep now, so if I left something out, I'll be sure to add it in tomorrow. I love you all! Sleep sweet, as I'm hoping Mira and I will tonight, tomorrow is a big day!

Sunday 04/21/2013

Today was a nice, relaxing day. Mira had a very uneventful day, so that's great! She ate really well, she slept really well, and she's healing really well! She weighs 8 lbs. 1 oz. at the moment, and she is 20 and 3/4 inches long.
Her shunt surgery is scheduled for Tuesday. To prepare for that, and to make sure it is absolutely necessary, they had her temporary drain clamped all day today, and will take an ultrasound of her brain tomorrow to see how the fluid has built up in her ventricles in the 24 hour period. There was a possibility that she would've been really uncomfortable all day today because of having her drain clamped, but even with the pressure slowly building back up in her head, she's been doing great!
My feet and ankles are more swollen tonight than they have been thus far, so I am going to prop them up now and get some sleep so I can get back to my little Mira in the morning! Good night everyone! Much love to all of you!

So Many Emotions!

Today was very emotional at different points for different reasons.
When I first got up to Mira's room this morning, I saw a stack of emails on the window sill that hadn't been there the day before. When I picked them up and looked at them, I realized they were e-cards for Mira, Joe, and me. UPMC has a program where you can send people e-cards, and a volunteer in the hospital will bring them to Mira's room each morning. As I read through them, I cried because it was so touching to feel how much people care! The cards and thoughts and words were so beautiful and caring! Just seeing and feeling how much people care about Mira and knowing how many people are pulling for her from all over the place is so beautiful and means so much to me! All I want is the best for her, and knowing that so many other people feel the exact same way is so comforting as a parent... it just left me speechless, and in awe, and so thankful to everyone that sent us a card! Thank you all so much! They were so beautiful!

Then a couple hours later, a different type of emotional occurrence happened... One that I wish on no parent! I was hanging out with Mira, who is usually just lounging and sleeping, and you can tell that she's pretty out of it, off in la la land. Well as I was rubbing her skin, I noticed that she was really alert. Her eye was actually open, and she was looking around, and she wasn't in a deep slumber, which is the only way I had seen her up until this point. As she became more and more alert, she started getting really fussy. As her Mother, I just want to pick her up and soothe her, but I can't right now... no one can. Within a few minutes, she started screaming, and it was clear she was in a lot of pain. I'm assuming that the pain either made her really alert, or that because she was so awake, she was able to acknowledge the full extent of her wounds right now. Either way, my baby was in pain, and there was nothing I could do! She was screaming for a half an hour! The nurse gave her morphine, and all I could do was rub her nose and talk her through it while we waited for the pain meds to kick in. I would've given anything in that moment to take her pain myself. Anything! I don't know if it was her head hurting her, or her back, but I wish I could've absorbed it! All I could do was put the one side of her incubator down and get as close to her as possible so I could rub her nose and caress her skin, and speak softly to her to let her know I'm here. Mommy's here, and I'm so sorry you're in pain, but everything will be okay! I promise it will go away soon, but I'm not going anywhere! She clenched onto my finger, it was the first time I got to hold her hand, and she would squeeze my finger for dear life and tense up her body every time the pain escalated. It's a terrible thing, to know your child is hurting, to watch their pain and not be able to take it away, to feel so helpless even though there's nothing you wouldn't do if you could! I wish it on no one! It's sad when she's on the morphine, because she is so out of it and you wish she could be alert, but now that I've seen the alternative... I would much rather her be on a drug-induced cloud 9 than to see her distressed and hurting and desperate for relief. She's only needed morphine a couple of times in the past few days, so I'm glad she's not on it all the time, but if that's what it would take, then so be it. I never want my children to hurt like that again.

After Mira felt better, Joe's Mom (Brenda) and Step-Dad (Jim) came to visit. Mira was in a deep sleep when they got here, and they got to visit with her for a while. When they were done visiting with her, Brenda, Jim, Joe, and me all hung out together. They brought us some food and stuff, and it was so nice visiting with them! I was sad when they had to go, but I had one more emotional thing to deal with tonight. Joe had to leave tonight because he goes back to work for two days starting tomorrow. Joe and I had gone up to say good night to Mira and so he could tell her goodbye before he left. I got hit with a flood of emotion when I was stroking her cheek. I was so glad to see her resting peacefully, and no longer in pain, but I was so sad to look at Joe and know that he was getting ready to head out... he kept asking me why I was crying, and to tell him what was upsetting me so he could make me feel better, but I couldn't talk... I just kept crying. Seeing her better was so emotionally relieving, and at the same time, seeing Joe saying goodbye to her was so emotionally taxing. It was a very confusing cry that I had no control over. I'm so glad my sister is here with me, but I didn't want Joe to go! I already miss him so much, and it's barely been an hour since he left. He didn't want to leave, either, but he also knows that he has to keep our household supported, so he has to work when he can. Right now, Mira does not have another surgery scheduled until Tuesday, so he's going to work until then. I hugged and kissed him dozens of times, and he made me promise to take it easy and not over-do myself while I'm healing. He's my rock, and my protector, and my best friend, and I don't want to be many places without him by my side right now. It felt like letting him leave was going to kill me! But, nonetheless, I have a job to do here for our little miracle, and nothing is going to hinder me from doing so.
A very emotional day, indeed, but she is okay, and that's all that matters! I'm going to rest now and keep my promise to Joe that I'll take care of myself, as well as our daughter. Good night everyone! I'm sure I'll put up more pictures tomorrow! Love to you all!

Eating Like A Champ!

Mira's Head Drain, Incisions, and Dressing!

Lounging With An Appetite!

At this point, we all swear Mira is just on vacation. The way she just lays there, and she is so very content, reminds us of how someone would lounge on their belly on a beach and just sunbathe. That's pretty much what Mira is doing!
She's eating great now, too! Thank goodness my milk is finally coming in! I was getting do discouraged, but I didn't give up, and now I'm almost making enough milk to make formula completely unnecessary! Mira is now allowed to eat as much as she wants every three hours. Before, she was on a strict bottle routine of only 10 cc's over feeding, but now she's allowed to eat as many cc's as she wants! This last feeding, she ate about 30 cc's! She's got such a good appetite, so that's a really great sign!
The nurses are trying to get her to lay her head on her left side because if she doesn't switch sides that she's laying on, she could get a flat head, plus moving from side to side helps relieve the pressure. However, little Mira prefers to lay on the right side of her face! Earlier, the nurse changed the dressing on her head, and while doing that, she switched Mira's head over to make her lay on the left side. Well... when the nurse came back, Mira was laying on the right side of her face again! That little stinker picked her own head up, turned it back to the side she likes to lay on, and laid back down! I guess we're just gonna have to deal with her having a flat head because she won't let us have it any other way!
It is amazing how nothing seems to be bothering her! It just goes to show you how resilient little ones are! I got quite the look at her head drain and incision while the nurse was changing her dressing, and if someone did that to my head, I'd probably be inconsolable, but for Mira, as long as she gets to lay the way she likes, and she gets fed every 3 hours, she could care less! She really is incredible! She's taking all of this in stride, and I can't say enough how much of an inspiration she is!

Just look at the difference!

This is the difference in her face in just a day and a half. The swelling in her face has gone down so much now that her ventricles are being drained. Her little features are so gorgeous, and now she can relax without all the pressure in her head! Take that, hydrocephalus!
The picture where she is intubated is after her surgery on Thursday night, and the other picture where her swelling has gone down so so so much is from five seconds ago!