I updated this information on Facebook, but I'll share it here as well. When I called over to children's hospital this morning to receive an update about Mira and ask questions, the nurse informed me that the reason her surgery was pushed up to today is because, not only is the membrane covering her tissue really fragile and unusable, but it actually ruptured in one spot, and through that rupture, the spinal cord is out and exposed. This is exactly what we didn't want to have happen. But hopefully, by them moving up the surgery, we can avoid an infection and/or any more damage being done to the exposed cord, which are our two big concerns right this second. She still hasn't eaten anything, and she won't be allowed to eat until at least 24 hours after her surgery, so I'm trying to prepare a milk supply for her.
After all night of pumping, I've got just an ounce of colostrum. For those who don't know, colostrum is the type of milk that comes out of your breasts directly after having a baby. It is designed to clear out their system from months of being in the womb, and it prepares their little gut to start digesting properly. Colostrum is much thicker than regular milk, which is why it's so difficult to get out of the breasts, but within a couple days, regular breast milk will start to take its place, and then things get much easier from there! I'm just gonna keep on working on it! I've never had to pump in the hospital before. I've always fed my children directly from the breast, so I never realized how difficult it was to stimulate milk production and get the colostrum out with a pump! But, regardless of how difficult (and at times, painful) it may be, it'll be so worth it when she can finally eat!
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Happy Birthday! ~Mira Cole McGuirk~ 8 lbs. 4 oz. 20 inches long! 4/17/2013 @ 3:58pm
The run down of Mira is that she's absolutely stunningly beautiful! She reminds me of Dustin and Aryanna, but her cry is unique to herself. Its a dainty, lady-like cry, but still gets the point across with those healthy lungs if hers, that doesn't remind me of Dustin's or Aryanna's cries. She has gorgeous darker, but not black, hair, chubby features, and a perfectly beautiful baby complexion! Her perfect dark baby eyes are the same shape Aryanna's were, and her perfect little button nose is definitely that of a Dustin look alike!
Now, down to the medical side of it. The gap in her spine is unfortunately much higher than we thought. We had anticipated on it being right above/starting at the top of her little butt crack. However, if you look at her back and find the bottom of the back of her ribs, her defect starts just below that level on her spine. This is unfortunate because wherever the open neural tube occurs, from that point and below, nerve damage is done. So the lower down the defect, the better the prognosis, and the location of the defect is much higher than we thought it was.
Her left foot is a club foot, which we already knew, but the degree of it is more severe than what sonograms had shown. The way/direction in which it curves is not as simple as we had thought, and the neurosurgeon informed Joe that we will need to take frequent and extraordinary measures to try and correct it when the time comes. It seems we are definitely looking at multiple surgeries, starting at an unknown time, because it no longer seems realistic to think her foot can be gradually corrected with different sets of braces and casts.
With her left leg having the club foot, you would think that would be the bad leg, however opposite seems to be true. Even with the clubbed foot she was still moving her left foot, left toes, bending her left knee, and rotating/picking up her entire left leg. Her right leg is not as functional. While her right foot is perfectly healthy, and I saw her wiggling her right toes, she is not doing much with her right leg in whole. As I watched her transport team move her around through videos, when she is picked up, she compensates for the movement with her left leg, but allows her right leg to dangle as is. I have not seen her bend her right knee or move the leg substantially from the hip. So, while we thought her left leg was going to be the problem, we are mistaken for the time being.
We also originally thought her myelomeningocele was "closed" meaning the spinal cord and meninges are completely covered and protected by skin, and that skin can be used to healthily close the defect during surgery. However, Mira's turned out not to be closed in a way. The cord and meninges are not just hanging out of her back, so no leaking is occurring, BUT, the membrane covering the defect is just that, a very small, weak, unusable membrane that isn't really classified as skin, and does not protect the tissue beneath it like skin would. This causes the already high risk of infection to go way up, so they are now moving her surgery to this morning, Thursday, instead of Friday morning. There is now NO way I'll get to be there, but there was little chance before, as well. I just hope the sac stays closed, no leaking occurs, and infection does not take place. I am also curious because in order to close her back, they need to leave extra skin over the area of her incision so that as she grows, and it heals, the extra skin can stretch and heal properly instead of tugging and pulling. With the membrane covering her defect being so weak and unusable, I have no idea where they are getting the extra skin to close her back properly that will compensate and allow for healing without tugging complications to the incision. So I guess that's another thing I will find out tomorrow, hopefully!
Her hydrocephalus is progressing rapidly, so the surgeons are unsure as to how they are going to compensate for that. They had originally planned on putting a temporary drainage tube in her head, operating on her back, and then a few days later going back in and operating to put in her shunt. Now they are debating on whether or not the shunt is more urgent than that because of the severity of it, which they were able to find out about more in depth today during pre-op testing, so they may place the shunt while they are operating on her back at the same time. I guess I will find out what they decide tomorrow.
Her arms certainly are strong, though! Ive been able to observe her through the videos Tammy took on her phone while I was in recovery, before Mira was taken to Children's, because as mentioned before, I've only seen her in person for a total of a minute and a half. She is already doing a fantastic job at grabbing things. They have a little blue board attached to her arm and hand to keep her from damaging her injection sight, and she was waving that thing all around! Grabbing ahold of it with her other hand, and back and forth. She lifts the whole contraption right up, lifts her arm up in the air, and ends up looking like she's talking on a blue telephone (which also reminds me of Aryanna). She was moving her head quite a bit to try and guide her pacifier back into her mouth, using the blue board to her advantage like a paddle (so she's smart too) and I wonder if, like our other children, she would be able to pick her head up on her own during her first day of life or not. But I didn't get to see her held or lifted upright at all, so I won't get to know that for sure. She certainly looks strong enough for it in that area of her body, though!
So, many aspects of her defects were not what we hoped, and ending up being more severe than we had anticipated. However, nothing is really final at this point, and all we are looking at is a very long road of uncertainty and possibilities to maybe make things better. So we'll take this one step at a time, starting with her surgery or surgeries tomorrow! So I believe that I covered everything new that I know about Mira and her health, and I will continue to keep everyone as posted as possible! We love you all, and the prayers, birthday wishes, and even just your kind thoughts are very heart warming! Much love to all of you and thank you again! Happy birthday, Mira! I couldn't be more thrilled to share this day with you for the rest of our lives! Mommy loves you and misses you so much!
Now, down to the medical side of it. The gap in her spine is unfortunately much higher than we thought. We had anticipated on it being right above/starting at the top of her little butt crack. However, if you look at her back and find the bottom of the back of her ribs, her defect starts just below that level on her spine. This is unfortunate because wherever the open neural tube occurs, from that point and below, nerve damage is done. So the lower down the defect, the better the prognosis, and the location of the defect is much higher than we thought it was.
Her left foot is a club foot, which we already knew, but the degree of it is more severe than what sonograms had shown. The way/direction in which it curves is not as simple as we had thought, and the neurosurgeon informed Joe that we will need to take frequent and extraordinary measures to try and correct it when the time comes. It seems we are definitely looking at multiple surgeries, starting at an unknown time, because it no longer seems realistic to think her foot can be gradually corrected with different sets of braces and casts.
With her left leg having the club foot, you would think that would be the bad leg, however opposite seems to be true. Even with the clubbed foot she was still moving her left foot, left toes, bending her left knee, and rotating/picking up her entire left leg. Her right leg is not as functional. While her right foot is perfectly healthy, and I saw her wiggling her right toes, she is not doing much with her right leg in whole. As I watched her transport team move her around through videos, when she is picked up, she compensates for the movement with her left leg, but allows her right leg to dangle as is. I have not seen her bend her right knee or move the leg substantially from the hip. So, while we thought her left leg was going to be the problem, we are mistaken for the time being.
We also originally thought her myelomeningocele was "closed" meaning the spinal cord and meninges are completely covered and protected by skin, and that skin can be used to healthily close the defect during surgery. However, Mira's turned out not to be closed in a way. The cord and meninges are not just hanging out of her back, so no leaking is occurring, BUT, the membrane covering the defect is just that, a very small, weak, unusable membrane that isn't really classified as skin, and does not protect the tissue beneath it like skin would. This causes the already high risk of infection to go way up, so they are now moving her surgery to this morning, Thursday, instead of Friday morning. There is now NO way I'll get to be there, but there was little chance before, as well. I just hope the sac stays closed, no leaking occurs, and infection does not take place. I am also curious because in order to close her back, they need to leave extra skin over the area of her incision so that as she grows, and it heals, the extra skin can stretch and heal properly instead of tugging and pulling. With the membrane covering her defect being so weak and unusable, I have no idea where they are getting the extra skin to close her back properly that will compensate and allow for healing without tugging complications to the incision. So I guess that's another thing I will find out tomorrow, hopefully!
Her hydrocephalus is progressing rapidly, so the surgeons are unsure as to how they are going to compensate for that. They had originally planned on putting a temporary drainage tube in her head, operating on her back, and then a few days later going back in and operating to put in her shunt. Now they are debating on whether or not the shunt is more urgent than that because of the severity of it, which they were able to find out about more in depth today during pre-op testing, so they may place the shunt while they are operating on her back at the same time. I guess I will find out what they decide tomorrow.
Her arms certainly are strong, though! Ive been able to observe her through the videos Tammy took on her phone while I was in recovery, before Mira was taken to Children's, because as mentioned before, I've only seen her in person for a total of a minute and a half. She is already doing a fantastic job at grabbing things. They have a little blue board attached to her arm and hand to keep her from damaging her injection sight, and she was waving that thing all around! Grabbing ahold of it with her other hand, and back and forth. She lifts the whole contraption right up, lifts her arm up in the air, and ends up looking like she's talking on a blue telephone (which also reminds me of Aryanna). She was moving her head quite a bit to try and guide her pacifier back into her mouth, using the blue board to her advantage like a paddle (so she's smart too) and I wonder if, like our other children, she would be able to pick her head up on her own during her first day of life or not. But I didn't get to see her held or lifted upright at all, so I won't get to know that for sure. She certainly looks strong enough for it in that area of her body, though!
So, many aspects of her defects were not what we hoped, and ending up being more severe than we had anticipated. However, nothing is really final at this point, and all we are looking at is a very long road of uncertainty and possibilities to maybe make things better. So we'll take this one step at a time, starting with her surgery or surgeries tomorrow! So I believe that I covered everything new that I know about Mira and her health, and I will continue to keep everyone as posted as possible! We love you all, and the prayers, birthday wishes, and even just your kind thoughts are very heart warming! Much love to all of you and thank you again! Happy birthday, Mira! I couldn't be more thrilled to share this day with you for the rest of our lives! Mommy loves you and misses you so much!
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Getting to touch Mira for the first time!
They brought her in, and took her away within roughly sixty seconds. Today was the best and worst day of my life. I vented my frustrations about my poor treatment at this hospital, but that doesn't even compare, in any universe, to how heart wrenching it was to let them wheel her away from me. I got to feel the softness of her arm skin, and the light touch of her hair for a few seconds, and that was it. I couldn't smell her or hold her or feed her. Touching her and talking to her for those few seconds was one if the best moments I've ever experienced, but all too soon, the transport team said "Okay, we have to get moving now." and my world shattered. I took my hand off her skin and held my head to try to keep my sanity in, but it hurt more than any physical thing I was feeling in that moment. I tried to hold the sobs in, but I just couldn't. That moment, releasing her skin from my own so they could close her incubator and take her away, was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. Very few things actually hurt a person's soul, but that was one of them... it hurt my soul.
I held my head, I grabbed my chest, I tried to focus on the physical pain I was in to distract myself, but it didn't work, there was just no holding in that cry. I'm glad I got to see her at all! I'm glad I got to touch her at all... but I'm not gonna lie, I was really banking on getting to spend more time with her than a singular minute, and I was crushed when that was all I got... just a single minute. One if the best moments of my life, touching and seeing her, followed by one of the worst moments of my life, letting her go.
I held my head, I grabbed my chest, I tried to focus on the physical pain I was in to distract myself, but it didn't work, there was just no holding in that cry. I'm glad I got to see her at all! I'm glad I got to touch her at all... but I'm not gonna lie, I was really banking on getting to spend more time with her than a singular minute, and I was crushed when that was all I got... just a single minute. One if the best moments of my life, touching and seeing her, followed by one of the worst moments of my life, letting her go.
Trying To Have A Baby In Chaos!
Joe and I arrived at the hospital and were checked in by 10:30 this morning. The c-section was scheduled for 1 o'clock in the afternoon, but after waiting a few hours, being monitored, giving blood samples, prepping for surgery, and asking questions, we kept getting pushed back. First we were pushed back because an emergency came into the ER. (It turns out, last week, the maternity operating rooms and overnight patient rooms got flooded, so they are having to perform c-sections in the regular OR's, and they have no rooms in the maternity section of the hospital set up for patients to stay the night in). So, we got pushed back for an emergency from the ER, and then we got pushed back again because the anesthesiology staff was incredibly understaffed and overbooked. After five hours, they still didn't have a room set up for us, so before they took Joe and I to the OR, Tammy, Joe's Dad, and Joe's Poppup had to take all of our bags back outside to our cars because they didn't have anywhere for us to stay.
Finally, at about 3:30, they wheeled Joe and I down to the OR while Tammy, Joe Sr., and Poppup waited in the waiting room. As Joe and I were being pulled up to the OR doors, the staff inside started telling my nurses not to bring me in because they weren't actually ready yet in that room. However, they already had a room ready for us, OR 10, for an hour and forty minutes, but that OB changed their mind and insisted on waiting for this room, OR 8. This didn't seem to make sense to any of them, nor to Joe and I, but ten minutes later, they were ready and started prepping me while Joe waited outside the OR.
They were very kind and likable staff members, and it was easy to trust them. Their system is clearly flawed in a very chaotic and unorganized way, but I am sure that each of them would be superstar medical professionals if they were in a better-operated facility with less chaos. So as Joe waited outside (they make him wait until after the 'scary' stuff is over before he is allowed into the OR with me), they prepped me by moving me onto the operating table, giving me my spinal shot that contained the local anesthetic (they excluded putting morphine, a normal ingredient added to the anesthetic shot in almost all cases, in my spinal because during my delivery of Aryanna I had an allergic reaction to it, so even though the spinal acted as a local anesthetic, it would ware off quicker and would not act as a pain reliever), inserting a catheter since I was numbed from the bottom of my ribs down, giving me meds to counteract the nausea and vomiting that is often caused by a spinal, and by cleaning and draping me appropriately for surgery.
When I was properly draped, numbed, and drugged, they allowed Joe to come in, but their drapes were covering my arms so I didn't even get to hold his hand. However, just knowing he was right behind my head was enough to keep me relaxed and breathing. Which, breathing is actually rather interesting and deceitful after receiving a spinal. The bottom part of your lungs are actually numb, so your body makes you think you're not getting enough air or deep enough breaths, when really you're breathing just fine, you just can't feel it. So that's always interesting!
Mira was born, weighing in at 8 lbs. 4 oz. and 20 inches long! They let Joe go over to the corner she was in and take a few pictures with his phone to bring over to me. I could hear her crying, but I couldn't see her at all so I stared at the pictures of my beautiful baby girl that Joe held in front of my face for me. Before taking her up to the NICU, they wheeled her over beside me so I could actually lay eyes on her for about 15 seconds, and then Mira, Joe and the NICU staff left the room.
I dozed off here and there while they finished up my surgery, and they had me in the recovery room at almost 5 o'clock on the dot. They told me I would be in my own room by 6 because I needed to be in recovery for at least an hour, even though I was already lifting both legs and my hips by 5:30. They almost took Mira away to Children's without letting me see her, but I kept insisting to my nurse to call whoever she needed to call so I could see my daughter before she left. I got to see her for about one minute, and then they left.
After that, it was six o'clock, I needed to get to a room so I could call the midwife to come pick up my placenta, i needed to star pumping as soon as possible (which they assured me previously that they would bring me a pump right after delivery to start stimulating breastmilk production ASAP....very very important!), I still hadn't received any pain meds, and it had, completely unnecessarily because of their terrible scheduling, been almost 24 hours since I had eaten or drank anything. 6 o'clock came and went... no room, no food, no pain meds, no breast pump. 7 o'clock passes... no room, no food, no pain meds, no breast pump. By 8 o'clock, I was beyond frustrated, in a ridiculous amount of pain, and completely starving. My stomach would growl, and the vibration of it would send pain shocks through my incision which was no longer numbed in any way.
Finally at 8:30 pm, they got me to a room in a completely different area of the hospital with staff that aren't even trained in maternity/post-natal care. BUT, for the first time, I felt like I was with staff members that cared enough to figure things out and take care of my needs instead of just make excuses and blame other people for not taking care of me properly. They finally gave me pain meds that made it tolerable to breathe deeply. They got me food. They got me my breast pump. And damn it, they had some actual compassion and showed it! By this point, it was too late for the midwife to be able to come pick up the placenta, so now I'm going to have to wait at least a extra day or two before receiving those breast milk helping benefits thanks to this hospital's terrible functioning. I'm also having a hell of a time getting any milk out of my breasts because I had to wait almost four hours later than I should have to get a jump on milk production.
I understand that things get hectic, that emergencies happen that change plans, and that many people try to do the best they can with what they have. BUT, there is absolutely no reason why it should take a SCHEDULED c-section patient, 10 hours after admittance to get into a room. It's not like I was a surprise, or that they didn't know I was coming... they just didn't care enough to plan on where to put me once the surgery was over. Also, when you tell a patient she can't eat at all the day of her surgery, and she listens, and you tell her she can eat afterwards, you damn well better feed her. Instead, because they took so long to get me into a room, I asked if I could finally eat when they got me into my room because I had been asking the whole time in recovery (over three hours of wasted time) and then the nurse goes "Oh, well, the cafeteria is closed now so I don't know what you want me to do, ya know." Hmmm.... Well, I wanted you to feed me when you said you would, hours ago, and I wanted you to NOT promise me food, and then personally be the one who screws me out of the chance to eat by wasting time for no reason instead of just getting me a room and letting me eat for the first time in a day! I was so frustrated at that point with their complete disarray that lead to negligence during my care the WHOLE day, all I could do is cry and complain and try to avoid a total meltdown. My sister, seeing where this was headed (probably me screaming unintelligible words at all the nurses because no one understands mad, ugly cry, yelling) said she would go find me food herself and until then to eat the snacks out of her purse and to stay calm. So she went and found me a salad. It was delicious! But my point was, if my sister hadn't been there to save the day, would they have made me wait ANOTHER day to eat simply because they suck at planning, multi-tasking, or care-taking?
I am honestly incredibly glad now that Mira was taken over to Children's hospital because I know that facility is top notch in every way, and I would hate to think that my child, who needs a lot of help right now, was getting treated as poorly as I have been all day.
Okay, now that I vented about the terrible and completely non-functional West Penn Hospital, and talked about the ins and outs of the procedure, I'll write a post about the things that actually matter, like Mira! Thank you for letting me vent, new post (that's not as bitchy) coming right up!
Finally, at about 3:30, they wheeled Joe and I down to the OR while Tammy, Joe Sr., and Poppup waited in the waiting room. As Joe and I were being pulled up to the OR doors, the staff inside started telling my nurses not to bring me in because they weren't actually ready yet in that room. However, they already had a room ready for us, OR 10, for an hour and forty minutes, but that OB changed their mind and insisted on waiting for this room, OR 8. This didn't seem to make sense to any of them, nor to Joe and I, but ten minutes later, they were ready and started prepping me while Joe waited outside the OR.
They were very kind and likable staff members, and it was easy to trust them. Their system is clearly flawed in a very chaotic and unorganized way, but I am sure that each of them would be superstar medical professionals if they were in a better-operated facility with less chaos. So as Joe waited outside (they make him wait until after the 'scary' stuff is over before he is allowed into the OR with me), they prepped me by moving me onto the operating table, giving me my spinal shot that contained the local anesthetic (they excluded putting morphine, a normal ingredient added to the anesthetic shot in almost all cases, in my spinal because during my delivery of Aryanna I had an allergic reaction to it, so even though the spinal acted as a local anesthetic, it would ware off quicker and would not act as a pain reliever), inserting a catheter since I was numbed from the bottom of my ribs down, giving me meds to counteract the nausea and vomiting that is often caused by a spinal, and by cleaning and draping me appropriately for surgery.
When I was properly draped, numbed, and drugged, they allowed Joe to come in, but their drapes were covering my arms so I didn't even get to hold his hand. However, just knowing he was right behind my head was enough to keep me relaxed and breathing. Which, breathing is actually rather interesting and deceitful after receiving a spinal. The bottom part of your lungs are actually numb, so your body makes you think you're not getting enough air or deep enough breaths, when really you're breathing just fine, you just can't feel it. So that's always interesting!
Mira was born, weighing in at 8 lbs. 4 oz. and 20 inches long! They let Joe go over to the corner she was in and take a few pictures with his phone to bring over to me. I could hear her crying, but I couldn't see her at all so I stared at the pictures of my beautiful baby girl that Joe held in front of my face for me. Before taking her up to the NICU, they wheeled her over beside me so I could actually lay eyes on her for about 15 seconds, and then Mira, Joe and the NICU staff left the room.
I dozed off here and there while they finished up my surgery, and they had me in the recovery room at almost 5 o'clock on the dot. They told me I would be in my own room by 6 because I needed to be in recovery for at least an hour, even though I was already lifting both legs and my hips by 5:30. They almost took Mira away to Children's without letting me see her, but I kept insisting to my nurse to call whoever she needed to call so I could see my daughter before she left. I got to see her for about one minute, and then they left.
After that, it was six o'clock, I needed to get to a room so I could call the midwife to come pick up my placenta, i needed to star pumping as soon as possible (which they assured me previously that they would bring me a pump right after delivery to start stimulating breastmilk production ASAP....very very important!), I still hadn't received any pain meds, and it had, completely unnecessarily because of their terrible scheduling, been almost 24 hours since I had eaten or drank anything. 6 o'clock came and went... no room, no food, no pain meds, no breast pump. 7 o'clock passes... no room, no food, no pain meds, no breast pump. By 8 o'clock, I was beyond frustrated, in a ridiculous amount of pain, and completely starving. My stomach would growl, and the vibration of it would send pain shocks through my incision which was no longer numbed in any way.
Finally at 8:30 pm, they got me to a room in a completely different area of the hospital with staff that aren't even trained in maternity/post-natal care. BUT, for the first time, I felt like I was with staff members that cared enough to figure things out and take care of my needs instead of just make excuses and blame other people for not taking care of me properly. They finally gave me pain meds that made it tolerable to breathe deeply. They got me food. They got me my breast pump. And damn it, they had some actual compassion and showed it! By this point, it was too late for the midwife to be able to come pick up the placenta, so now I'm going to have to wait at least a extra day or two before receiving those breast milk helping benefits thanks to this hospital's terrible functioning. I'm also having a hell of a time getting any milk out of my breasts because I had to wait almost four hours later than I should have to get a jump on milk production.
I understand that things get hectic, that emergencies happen that change plans, and that many people try to do the best they can with what they have. BUT, there is absolutely no reason why it should take a SCHEDULED c-section patient, 10 hours after admittance to get into a room. It's not like I was a surprise, or that they didn't know I was coming... they just didn't care enough to plan on where to put me once the surgery was over. Also, when you tell a patient she can't eat at all the day of her surgery, and she listens, and you tell her she can eat afterwards, you damn well better feed her. Instead, because they took so long to get me into a room, I asked if I could finally eat when they got me into my room because I had been asking the whole time in recovery (over three hours of wasted time) and then the nurse goes "Oh, well, the cafeteria is closed now so I don't know what you want me to do, ya know." Hmmm.... Well, I wanted you to feed me when you said you would, hours ago, and I wanted you to NOT promise me food, and then personally be the one who screws me out of the chance to eat by wasting time for no reason instead of just getting me a room and letting me eat for the first time in a day! I was so frustrated at that point with their complete disarray that lead to negligence during my care the WHOLE day, all I could do is cry and complain and try to avoid a total meltdown. My sister, seeing where this was headed (probably me screaming unintelligible words at all the nurses because no one understands mad, ugly cry, yelling) said she would go find me food herself and until then to eat the snacks out of her purse and to stay calm. So she went and found me a salad. It was delicious! But my point was, if my sister hadn't been there to save the day, would they have made me wait ANOTHER day to eat simply because they suck at planning, multi-tasking, or care-taking?
I am honestly incredibly glad now that Mira was taken over to Children's hospital because I know that facility is top notch in every way, and I would hate to think that my child, who needs a lot of help right now, was getting treated as poorly as I have been all day.
Okay, now that I vented about the terrible and completely non-functional West Penn Hospital, and talked about the ins and outs of the procedure, I'll write a post about the things that actually matter, like Mira! Thank you for letting me vent, new post (that's not as bitchy) coming right up!
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Ready To Go!
I think Joe and I got everything done that I wanted to have done before we leave for the hospital. We rearranged the house to make things more functional for bringing a newborn home to. We deep cleaned many areas of the house where Mira will be at a lot. Our bedroom is baby set-up and friendly. And our bags are packed!
It was really hard letting Dustin and Aryanna go with Joe's Mom today, though. That made everything very real for me, and it was emotional not knowing exactly when I'm going to see all of my children again. They drive me crazy when they're home, but I did not want to let them leave today! I miss them so much already! I said "I love you" to them probably a hundred times before they left, and Joe's Mom was crying a little bit too as she hugged Joe and I goodbye. I didn't cry until after they left... then I sat on my porch wishing they were still home, but also trying to tell myself that maybe we can arrange a family member to bring them down to visit within this next week. I'll be so happy when all three of my children can be together, right in front of me! It will be the most beautiful sight I've ever seen, I'm certain!
I'm holding off the emotions right now by focusing on all the things that need done. I'm excited for sure, but also a bit nervous, and driven, and all kinds of things! Joe and I have to be at the hospital in almost exactly 12 hours from now, so I am going to get some sleep now! I'll be sure to update my blog as much as possible! The moment of truth is on it's way, so thank you to everyone for the prayers, good lucks, and birthday wishes! I love you all, and I'll update as much as I can!
It was really hard letting Dustin and Aryanna go with Joe's Mom today, though. That made everything very real for me, and it was emotional not knowing exactly when I'm going to see all of my children again. They drive me crazy when they're home, but I did not want to let them leave today! I miss them so much already! I said "I love you" to them probably a hundred times before they left, and Joe's Mom was crying a little bit too as she hugged Joe and I goodbye. I didn't cry until after they left... then I sat on my porch wishing they were still home, but also trying to tell myself that maybe we can arrange a family member to bring them down to visit within this next week. I'll be so happy when all three of my children can be together, right in front of me! It will be the most beautiful sight I've ever seen, I'm certain!
I'm holding off the emotions right now by focusing on all the things that need done. I'm excited for sure, but also a bit nervous, and driven, and all kinds of things! Joe and I have to be at the hospital in almost exactly 12 hours from now, so I am going to get some sleep now! I'll be sure to update my blog as much as possible! The moment of truth is on it's way, so thank you to everyone for the prayers, good lucks, and birthday wishes! I love you all, and I'll update as much as I can!
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