They brought her in, and took her away within roughly sixty seconds. Today was the best and worst day of my life. I vented my frustrations about my poor treatment at this hospital, but that doesn't even compare, in any universe, to how heart wrenching it was to let them wheel her away from me. I got to feel the softness of her arm skin, and the light touch of her hair for a few seconds, and that was it. I couldn't smell her or hold her or feed her. Touching her and talking to her for those few seconds was one if the best moments I've ever experienced, but all too soon, the transport team said "Okay, we have to get moving now." and my world shattered. I took my hand off her skin and held my head to try to keep my sanity in, but it hurt more than any physical thing I was feeling in that moment. I tried to hold the sobs in, but I just couldn't. That moment, releasing her skin from my own so they could close her incubator and take her away, was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. Very few things actually hurt a person's soul, but that was one of them... it hurt my soul.
I held my head, I grabbed my chest, I tried to focus on the physical pain I was in to distract myself, but it didn't work, there was just no holding in that cry. I'm glad I got to see her at all! I'm glad I got to touch her at all... but I'm not gonna lie, I was really banking on getting to spend more time with her than a singular minute, and I was crushed when that was all I got... just a single minute. One if the best moments of my life, touching and seeing her, followed by one of the worst moments of my life, letting her go.
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